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There is no way that a teacher can put into words all of the supports, plans,
visuals, tools and strategies that are employed to make the child successful. These actions should
never be born from an emotional reaction. If someone is entering the room to "observe"
and then report back to the parent all of the things that they think are
being done incorrectly and to "build a case" against the school, the relationship has then
been destroyed. This is a path that may not have been traveled by family and
friends. You may feel like an outsider. At times, the anger and resentment can be
too much to bear. Take the time to do your research; the decision you make
can literally affect your own and your child's life in ways that you never dreamed
possible. The cost will be high. Teachers are more likely to be open to the
opinions and suggestions of someone who is at least qualified to make such statements. Advocates
make sense of the documents, technical language and educational jargon. The advocate will have a
direct effect on your marriage, your personal relationships and your family. Are they talking as
of they are going into battle? Using words like "them" and "us?" Watch for an
ego that is using your child to feed itself! Egos look out for egos, not
children. The challenges can become overwhelming once your child reaches school age. An advocate is
worth their weight in gold when they can objectively look at a situation without an
emotional charge and create solutions that work for the child.Each member of a team has
a perspective on how to best help a child: a principal, community agency member, speech
pathologist, teacher and a parent have ideas that stem from their training and experience. The
person that you choose will impact your relationship with school personnel, your spouse, your child
and the members of your family. Any parent who has experienced being lectured on the
best methods of raising children by a person who has no children, may know how
frustrating this can be. As an educator, sitting in meetings with someone who has no
special education qualifications and have them point out your deficiencies is a waste of time
and money. It is easy to fall into the trap of vengeance and revenge. But
at times I wish that I had had that manual! Navigating the parenting role is
tricky at the best of times, but, finding your way with a child that has
special needs is even more demanding and difficult. The child's world tells far more than
any documentation could ever describe. Humans are far more likely to listen to someone who
has "walked in their shoes" and has experience in education and special needs. I believe
that most times we can meet the requests of the parent at some level. Imagine
someone suggesting that a parent take away resources from one of their children in order
to give to another. It is probably safe to say, that very few people are
willing to modify their own expertise and professional methods based on the ideas and opinions
of someone who has little or no experience and credentials in the field. The advocate's
personal experience with a school district, board, or previous personal history has no place in
the discussion. She is the author of two 925 silver books:Been There. Your child's siblings may have
many years in the educational system. When we feel helpless it is almost intoxicating to
gain a sense of power. Finally Getting it Right. The damage caused by legal action
and/or public humiliation cannot help but affect your relationships with the very people that you
will rely on to give your children the best. Done That. A skilled advocate is
able to listen to each member's ideas and see solutions that draw on the strengths
of each person at the table.Ultimatums, threats and accusations drive a wedge between parents and
teachers that is extremely damaging to the child because the message that the parent is
giving is that they trust this person more than the teacher.The End of the RoadAs
a parent, it can be intensely frustrating when you feel that a system is failing
your child. We may have to sort through layers of hurt, anger, resentment and fear
to see the authentic concern for their child. It is important to note that entering
a classroom is opening a "sacred trust." Just as you would not let someone that
you do not trust into your home, teachers must be wary to whom they open
their classrooms. Of course, this is true of every member of a team.Can the advocate
help your child access the best education possible without putting undue stress on the resources
and personnel involved? Sometimes in the hopes of helping a parent, promises are made that
are overly taxing on a personal or financial level...the school must educate all students, not
just yours. But, with hard work, respectful dialogue and child -centred problem solving, it is
possible to work as a team to make the most of a child's education. When
an advocate knows the parent and the child well, he or she can help to
uncover the common ground between school and home. Parents may disagree and say that it
is really their child that they care about. "This is your child's manual," she explains,
"Be sure to read it as soon as possible. Then the role of advocacy is
authentic and not a matter of fighting for a cause or for an ego boost.
While that is very true, schools cannot operate on this premise. You are inviting someone
to enter into your world. Public humiliation and bad press may make a school system
give in to your demands but it does nothing to draw out the best of
any human being or relationship.This is not to say the legal action is not necessary
at times. You may feel that you need help. Problems are not solved that way.
We need to be honest with ourselves about what is driving our course of action.
An advocate that speaks with an "I'll show them," attitude is not going to effectively
negotiate a plan that makes everyone want to do their part. Oh, and pay close
attention to the section regarding special needs."A crazy scenario, I know. Going to the press
or calling a lawyer should never be done without serious thought of the repercussions. It
makes sense that if you want to cultivate the best education for your child, you
would expect an advocate that had the special education credentials and experience that would enhance
your role as parent. There are solutions that can work for everyone. After months of
waiting requin tn and anticipation the moment has finally arrived! Your beautiful baby enters the world and
life is the fullest it has ever been! As the nurse gently places your newborn
in your arms she slips a book into your hands. The advocate may utilize background
knowledge of the people and resources to facilitate a workable plan for your child. As
a parent, expect the person that you hire to be qualified to help you to
work with the school.Advocates should know your child.People who are chosen to represent your child
need to read assessments, report cards, interact and spend time with the child in order
to really know who they are working for. Loneliness, disappointment, frustration and a sense of
failure can make the journey miserable. Red flags should wave wildly when an advocate sees
only negatives in a child's education, or when promises of specific outcomes for your child
are made. But, it is up to you, the parent to make an informed decision
as to whether the person is truly qualified to advocate for a student with special
needs and whether this person is a "good fit" with you, your child and your
goals. Before taking any action, the question that should be front and center is: "How
will this benefit the child? How could this hurt the child?" It is all too
easy to get caught up in the feeling of retribution. A wise advocate is someone
who will look for solutions and not blame. Advocates may or may not be affiliated
with an attorney but they are not lawyers and they should not be giving legal
advice.Final ThoughtsHiring an advocate does not take away the parent's role in decision making. You
may need someone to act as an interpreter in this new land.You begin the investigation...look
on the Internet and the Yellow pages.....can someone out there help me do the best
for my child in school? Before you choose the person who will be your guide
and advocate for your child, you must do some homework; for the sake of your
child and for your own sanity. Your child needs YOU to be in charge; your
role is long term!Educators need to listen, really listen to what it is that parents
are asking for. There are many people who call themselves advocates. Before taking such steps,
consider that your child may have many years in school ahead of him. Advocates should
see the child in the context of his classroom. Special education is a constantly evolving
science and an advocate must be up to date. Would you want someone coming into
your home to "observe and critique" you as you carry out the daily functions of
parenthood?Advocates should be objective and solution mindedWhile interviewing an advocate, listen carefully for language that
promotes solutions rather than vengeance. Be very careful to whom you give this precious gift.What
role can an advocate play?oAssist parents in finding supports and resources that are availableoModel effective
relationship building and problem solving skillsoListen to all parties in a genuine and nonjudgmental manner;
oClarify issuesoSuggest options and possible solutionsoDocument meetings or help parents to understand documents and assessmentsoLocate
and provide informationoSpeak on the parent/child's behalf when they cannot speak for themselvesoHelp the family
with written correspondence, documentation or phone callsoAttend meetingsoFollow up on decisions made and actions takenThe
following are a few points to ponder before deciding who you will choose:Advocates should have
the qualifications to be able to speak with integrity and knowledge about exceptionalities in learning.
A child's program on paper can never tell the whole story. Educational institutions have a
duty to look after the collective while at the same time ensuring that each individual
receives what is needed. Imagine. But, it is a LAST resort. A solid knowledge of
local resources, services providers and community programs facilitates problem solving. It is not fair to
assume that school staff should take from one child in order to provide for another.
They may explain options or the requirements of special programs, attend meetings and ask clarifying
questions but, as the child's parents, you make the decision. We need to be searching
for them as a team.Advocates should be facilitators not dictators.Listen and observe an advocate carefully.
Maintaining professional development by attending conferences, keeping up to date on current policy documents and
procedures are important qualifications to have. I am speaking of the deep- seated hurt, mistrust
and fear that sinks into the soul of anyone that has been affected by litigation
and bad press. It is up to the adults to make it work for the
sake of the children.Jennifer Krumins is a full time teacher in Ontario, Canada with 19
years of experience in special education and the regular classroom. Children do not win in
these scenarios.Humans need to be acknowledged for the effort that they invest; we need to
feel supported and respected. This is about YOUR child. No person, neither educator nor parent,
should leave a discussion feeling that they have been ignored, rejected or discounted if they
were genuinely promoting a child's needs and not their own. We are more open to
solutions when we are not feeling defensive. Look for common ground.The relationship between parent and
school can be difficult because a child's life is at stake and emotions run high.
A mother of three (one of which has autism) she is currently teaching severely challenged
teen boys and girls with autism. In order to secure a positive proactive response from
the people that are in relationship with your child, the advocate is best to be
respectful, courteous, and considerate and open minded. It is equally important that the advocate you
choose have the interpersonal skills necessary to work collaboratively with others to create solutions. It
is at that time that you enter a whole world of professionals that will have
your precious child for 6 hours out of the day! It is a world that
is a culture unto itself with its own language and its own set of rules.
When the disagreement lowers itself to the level of acting like children who are demanding
that everyone play by their rules, the child with special needs is no longer the
center of the discussion. A high level of qualification brings a level of respect to
the table. The advocate should be able to explain how your child's disability may impact
their learning and then work with you to help prioritize your child's needs. A Guide
to Educational Planning for Students with Autism: Lessons from a Mother and Teacher.andOne Step at
a Time: ABA and Autism in the Classroom; Practical Strategies for Implementing Applied Behaviour Analysis
for Student with AutismPlease feel free to visit Jennifer's website at http://www.autismaspirations.com or email her
at krumins@autismaspirations.com.
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